a sad goodbye

hi, you guys.  here i am, once again, apologizing for a long absence.  i haven't been here in almost 2 months and i'm sorry for that.  on November 1st, my mother passed away very unexpectedly.  i've mentioned in the past that i live on the west coast, having left my family home in New York to move to California nearly 10 years ago.  i have always known that the day would come when the phone would ring and news of the worst kind would be waiting on the other end; i just wasn't expecting it now.

needless to say, we traveled to NY as soon as we could and the kids and i stayed for 3 weeks.  my dad and my sister needed me and i needed to be with them, in my mom's home, surrounded by her things, as difficult and surreal as that was.  my parents had already planned to come out here for Thanksgiving and my dad said he still wanted to come so he came back with the kids and me.  i think it probably did him some good to get out of the house for awhile and i know i was glad to have him here.  

he returned home in early December, and things here have returned to normal; Hoss is at work during the day, the kids are back to their routines, i have work to do...but i still miss my mother incredibly, and most of all when i sit down at my desk to work.  she was always creative and crafty and there's no doubt that's where my craftiness comes from.  she was my inspiration for so many of the things i did/do here in this space and she had so much love for everything that i made.  i've spent quite a bit of time in the last couple of weeks just sitting here and crying because it's hard to look around and not see something she gave me.  i'm reminded so often of one of the biggest gifts she gave me--the gift of putting my idle hands to good use and CREATING something.

the most difficult thing has been to try and write this post knowing there will be no email about it from her tomorrow, like she's always done in the past.  there will be no comment in my Facebook feed from her and it won't be shared on her Facebook page, like she's always done in the past.  there will be no comment here from her at the end of the post, like she NEVER did in the past because, for some reason, she just could not figure out how to leave one!  it used to drive me crazy.

my mother was my number one fan and most energetic supporter.  i will miss her in all aspects of my life and i will especially miss her here.

in the coming weeks, i may tell you more about her.  i may tell you more about what happened.  i may tell you more about being back "home."  if i do, it won't be to depress or make you sad; it will be to remind you that you can triumph in the face of adversity--my mother did.  it will be to remind you that life is short so make sure you're living it and loving it.  it will be to remind you that there are so many kind and generous people out there and they will help you make it through life's most painful and difficult moments.

or i may not.  i don't know.

before i sign off, i'd like to leave you with a couple of things.  the first is my mom's obituary.  my dad and sister helped come up with the key points we wanted to be sure to mention and then they asked me to put it into words that captured her spirit.  it's no easy task trying to sum up a loved one's life in a few hundred words, but since most of you reading this entry didn't know her, perhaps this will shed a sliver of light on the wonderful woman she was.

Kathleen Warfield Burdick

Kathleen Warfield Burdick passed away unexpectedly on Friday, Nov. 1, at her home.  Kathy was born on March 4, 1950, in Penn Yan, NY, and raised on Brandy Bay, which fueled her lifelong love for Keuka Lake.  After graduating from Keuka College in 1972, she taught at Dundee Central School for 34 years, where her most favorite thing was to teach elementary school children how to read.

While working with her husband on their grape farm early in their marriage, she developed a great love and advocacy for the NY state wine and grape industry.  She was a charter member of Women for NYS Wine, and in her later years, tried never to miss a day without a glass of wine.

She wrote features for local newspapers, including a weekly column of happenings at the Bluff Point United Methodist Church, where she was also an active member.  Among other things, she had been a church treasurer and the pianist for the Sunday School and choir.

Often found helping out other people, Kathy was a member of various groups and organizations including Friends of the Penn Yan Public Library, Yates County Retired Teachers, PEO, and The Living Well.  She was also an election worker.

If you met her on the street, she would always have a kind word for and be happy to see you.  She was known for sending warm notes that she hand-made for birthdays, celebratory events, or simply because she was thinking of someone.

Kathy enjoyed gardening and decorating her house for each season and holiday.  She kept an inviting home full of personal touches and family photos.  She was married to her high school sweetheart for 43 years.

She loved her 5 grandchildren with all of her heart and cherished every moment she spent with each of them, playing games, singing songs, and just being their sweet “Neena.”

She is survived by her husband Phil; daughters Rebecca (Arvin) Luminarias of Irvine, CA, and Emily (Michael) Enslow of Waterloo, NY; grandchildren Augustus and Anemone Luminarias, and Violet, Hazel, and Iris Enslow; sister Constance (Thomas) Murphy; and brother Bruce (Betsy) Warfield.

She was predeceased by her parents, Robert and Margaret, brother Robert, brother-in-law Douglas Burdick. And her beloved golden retriever Mendel.

Her thoughtful and generous spirit will be greatly missed.

the second thing is lyrics to a song called "Lullaby Requiem."  the song was written by Neil Finn and i always found it to be incredibly moving; now i find it to be incredibly true. 

Goodnight, bless you

Let angels possess you

You'll make dreams of another life

Don't think it's too much

To close eyes and leave us

In strange places we'll come undone

And the building blocks sometimes have to crash

They’re not meant to last like a mother's love

It’s real life

It's all true

You know how I'll miss you

In quiet places I'll come undone

And the building blocks sometimes have to crash

They’re not meant to last like a mother's love

Sleep comes when all is laid to rest

That's when you'll find what you're looking for

Strange feelings you can't explain

Wild forces you can't contain

And the building blocks sometimes have to crash

They’re not meant to last like your mother's love

Peace comes when fear is laid to rest

That's when you'll find what you're looking for 

Lullaby Requiem

By Neil Finn

thanks for staying so long tonight; i've dreaded writing this post because i'm heartbroken my mother won't be reading it.  but if there's anyone who would want me to continue after her loss, it would surely be her.

{i love you, Mom}